Using Arcane Law, Hutchison Bequeaths Senate Seat to Her Cats

WASHINGTON, DC – Texas is losing a long-tenured senator, but gaining 12 new ones. After 18 years in Congress, Kay Bailey Hutchison announced she will not seek reelection and is stepping down.

Kay Bailey Hutchison at Cat Announcement
Retirement announcement

Additionally, Senator Hutchison announced that she has given the powerful Lone Star state senate seat in Congress to her lot of 12 house cats.

“I just wanted to make sure my kids were taken care of,” said Senator Hutchison of the decision. “It’s really the least I could do for them.”

The cats are the first non-human senators since 1931 when New York mistakenly elected a carrier pigeon. The pigeon was delivering a form declaring the candidacy for senate of a local businessman, but technically declared its own candidacy. The pigeon however served only two terms in Congress before its untimely death.

Senators Princess, Mr. Fluffy, America, Lazy Eye, Brown Cat, Freedom, Mittens, Stella, Stripes, Bella, Twilight, and Eclipse are also the first group acting for a single senate seat. While the final details are yet to be worked out, it is expected that votes will be cast by a chosen representative among the cats, which must then write down its vote and cast it in the Senate chamber as usual.

Asked if she had any regrets from her time in office, Senator Hutchison said, “I only wish I could give the seat to more cats.”

Kay Bailey Hutchison with her many cats
The political elite attend Mr. Fluffy’s birthday

After the announcement was made, Senator Hutchison dressed in her bath robe and went back to her home where spent the afternoon using up a pack of lint rollers on the living room couch.