Updated “Big Tex” Not that Into Texas


DALLAS, TX – After the unexpected destruction of “Big Tex” in 2012, State Fair of Texas officials successfully completed their first year with a new giant robotic figure for the event. With the 2014 year Fair impending, however, the updated Big Tex has become self-aware, and has announced that he is “not so into Texas.”

“I dunno, I just feel like there’s a lot of pressure on me to be all Texas-y, but that’s not me. You know, I’ve never even been outside the state, so what do I have to compare it to? Maybe Rhode Island is totally badass,” said Big Tex.

Fair officials have urged that Big Tex continue working at the State Fair, given the lack of 50 foot tall robots available for the job.

“We’d really like Big Tex, or ‘Thomas’ as he calls himself now, to be back at the Fair again this year. He’s a major feature, and frankly he cost a lot of money that we don’t want lose,” said State Fair representative Billy Gordon. “I think right now we are regretting spending most of the budget on the upgraded computer processing that allowed him to become self-aware though.”

For his part, Big Tex stated that he was likely to return.

“I haven’t quite finished polishing my resume yet, but it’s getting there. I had an interview at Starbucks, but I couldn’t fit in the door. If I’m working the Fair again this year, everyone should know that I’m only visiting ironically, not because I’m Mr. Texas or something.”

“I’m going to mix things up a bit as well, like Dickies are cool but it’s not the only brand out there. I’ve got a new sweater vest though I’m thinking of sporting sometimes. It’s about the only new thing though as my shirts cost about two grand a piece.

“Also, I’m not saying that whole ‘Welcome to the State Fair’ bit. I’d like to be more casual about it. Maybe just “Oh, hey, sup?” like its no big deal.”