Dallas Supercomputer Fails to Make Jeopardy Cut; Questions Its Existence

DALLAS, TX – While IBM’s “Watson” super computer is making headlines as the first non-human Jeopardy contestant, Dallas computer engineer Nathan Sherrill’s supercomputer fell short of the limelight. Sherrill and his team’s “Morose 9000” supercomputer failed to make the final cut to play on Jeopardy after being defeated by “Watson.” Subsequently, the Morose 9000 has found itself questioning its place in the universe.

Sullen Supercomputer Loses on Jeopardy
The Morose 9000 wonders why Jeopardy must have winners and losers

The Morose 9000¬†supercomputer was taken aback by the loss, and hadn’t considered life outside of being a Jeopardy contestant. Sherrill had programmed the computer with the explicit intention of competing in the game show. It has since fallen into a depression and boots up much slower than typically.

To compete in the Jeopardy challenge, the computers had to be armed with a vast array of knowledge. While the Watson supercomputer was loaded with archives from the New York Times, Encyclopedias and similar reference sources, the Morose 9000 programmers chose to go with more abstract materials and books such as the works of Kierkegaard, Nietzsche, and other philosophers.

The computers are programmed with an ability to understand natural language, allowing them to process the complex nature of the Jeopardy format. Using the key phrases from the clue, the computers attempt to match them to possible answers.

When given the Jeopardy clue of “This St. Petersburg museum has the largest collection of Scythian jewelry,” for example, Watson was able to respond with the correct answer of “What is the Hermitage?” The Morose 9000 however gave the incorrect response of “What gives any one person the right to own property?”

As for what’s next for the Morose 9000, Sherrill was leaving it up to the computer. For now, Morose 9000¬†is undecided, stating “What I do next is irrelevant as the fate of death awaits us all.”