Nowitzki Fights Through Kuato Infection to Lead Mavs Past Miami

Dirk with Total Recall Disease

DALLAS, TX – The drama in the NBA finals battle between the Dallas Mavericks and Miami Heat continued with a new wrinkle in game 4 of the series. Mavericks All-Star forward Dirk Nowitzki had to fight through a sudden Kuato infection, which slowed him down, but not enough to prevent the Mavs from defeating the Heat 86-83.

Dirk Nowitzki Fights Through Kuato on his chest
Nowitzki is frustrated by a Miami double team and Kuato’s incessant plotting to free the Martian rebels

Nowitzki believes he contracted the Kuato after a long night of watching the SyFy channel. In response, Nowitzki’s teammates elevated their games and felt confident he would be up to the challenge.

“Over the course of a season, everyone’s got various hardships they have to fight through,” said Mavericks center Tyson Chandler. “Sometimes you gotta fight through a damn Kuato bursting out of your chest.”

With the Heat’s stifling defense and the small humanoid hanging off of Nowitzki, coach Rick Carlisle knew he would have to make a number of strategic changes to pull of the win.

“It’s especially hard with the double dribble rules. He can’t let Kuato get his tiny hands on the ball or it’s an automatic turnover,” said Carlisle.

While Mavericks escaped with a win, Nowitzki is hoping to be over the Kuato by the next game of the series.

“It should go away pretty soon. My doctor says I gotta stop feeding the thing though.”