AUSTIN, TX – The current legislative session in Austin yesterday added a new priority on the agenda. From a directive handed down from Governor Rick Perry’s office, Texas state representatives will immediately begin working on a compiling a list of awesome animals to shoot.
Governor Perry has already assembled an initial working list of animals which he has sent to the legislature. They are expected to at least double the number of animals on the list.
“I’ve already got a good list started, but it was taking a long time and I was running out of ideas. I thought, I’ve got all these smart guys just down the block ready to help, that would really move things along,” said Perry.
Perry has already been known as a marksman from a coyote he recently shot while jogging. The incident spurred him on to think of other animals that could appear on his jogging trail.
“At first I had a list of just regular animals, and then I started adding extinct animals. Then I thought of Paul Bunyon’s giant Ox, Blue, and that opened a door to a whole new set of creatures.”
Perry has instructed the legislature to work on four main classifications of animals – living, extinct, mythical, and made up. Representatives from both political parties have already begun dividing up the work and thinking of ideas. Some representatives have expressed frustration with the assignment.
“He already has a wolverine. That was the best idea I had, too. I don’t think my economics degree really qualifies me for this,” said Dallas Republican Dan Branch.
Perry has released a few of the animals on his preliminary list:
- Wild Boar
- Alien from Alien
- Cerberus, the three headed hound
- Enormous Fox (the size of a horse)
- Great White Shark
- Enraged Mutant Penguin
- Werewolf (only on a full moon)
Perry has not decided on what to do with the animal list once it has been completed.
“I guess I’ll rank them in order. It’s kind of like the list of favorite bands I made a while back, I guess I’ll just put it in my filing cabinet when it’s done.”