With First Draft Pick, Cowboys Select Fattest Player Available

NEW YORK, NY – Sitting at the number 9 spot in the NFL draft, the Dallas Cowboys decided to select the fattest player available, USC offensive tackle Tyron Smith.

Dallas Cowboys Select Fat Player Smith in Draft
With his quickness and athletic skills, it’s easy to forget that Smith is a fat guy

While some teams opted for the strategies of drafting for positional need or selecting the best athlete available, the Cowboys decided the fattest player available was a sure bet.

“We thought the best player in the draft was already gone, and also the fastest, so we just went with fattest,” said team owner Jerry Jones. “We do have some fat guys already, but they weren’t really getting the job done.”

The Cowboys felt that, at age 20, Smith was not only fat now but would be fat for years to come. Garrett hopes to pair Smith with mountain-sized offensive guard Leonard Davis to encourage Smith to retain his bulk. Davis has already been working on a list of where Smith can get the best chicken fried steaks in the area.

Cowboys head coach Jason Garrett believes the team made the right selection in going with Smith.

“Our scouting department watched a lot of film on the guy, and he’s definitely fat,” said Garrett.

In later rounds of the draft, Jones confirmed that the team was still able to nab the player with the coolest older brother, in hopes that the team would get to hang out with him and maybe ride dirt bikes.