Local Billionaire Fulfills Pledge to Give Away Most of Cowboys Wins

DALLAS, TX – In the spirit of charitable giving, local billionaire Jerry Jones has followed through on a pledge to give away most of the Dallas Cowboys wins. By winning only 6 games in a 16 game season, Jones was able to provide many less fortunate teams with a little extra to be thankful for this year.

Jerry Jones Gives Away Wins
Jerry Jones is filled with the joy of giving after watching a ball bounce off Roy Williams’ hands

Jones gave early and often this season as a sign that his words were not an empty promise. He even went so far as to give to the Houston Texans, who have so few wins most years they are scarcely aware of the existence of the NFL postseason.

“In going through this turbulent season, I found new meaning in giving,” says Cowboys owner Jerry Jones. “The looks on the opposing teams’ faces really was all the thanks I needed.”

Jones joins billionaires such as Warren Buffett, Mark Zuckerberg and Bill Gates in their philanthropic giving pledges. There’s no word if Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban or Texas Rangers owner Chuck Greenberg intend to follow Jones’ lead, but at this point they do not appear likely to do so.

While the headline-grabbing donations of most billionaires have been widely praised, Jones’ philanthropy was not universally appreciated by metroplex residents. Some fans of the team in fact were completely unmoved.

“The Cowboys sucked this year,” said Terry Kim of Mesquite. “What a bunch of overpaid crapheads.”