ARLINGTON, TX – Beloved flying superhero Superman finally experienced the ride bearing his name at Six Flags in Arlington this weekend. However, while other riders were thrilled by the speeding coaster, Superman made no attempt to hide his disappointment.
“Is that what people think it’s like to be Superman? Sitting on a bench that goes up and down? It’s a glamorized elevator,” said the Man of Steel.
Superman spent several hours at Six Flags, winning prizes at the carnival games and flying to the front of long lines, but he was expecting the highlight of the day was expected to be the “Superman” ride.
“Being me is way more intense; I can do tons of stuff. You want to see what kinds of things Superman can do, you should have a flesh-melting lasers ride, cause I can do that.”
“Some wusses even screamed,” complained Superman, who said he would have been better off if he had stayed at home listening to the next lesson in his learn Spanish tutorial.
“Now the Batman ride, that’s a name that fits better. You don’t see Batman picking up giant boulders or flying at the speed of sound do you?”
Superman finished off his day in Arlington by loudly trying out a few of the electric guitars at Guitar Center and getting dinner over at Highlands. Overall, he felt it was a worthwhile visit.
“Oh, and I totally sat next to some hottie on the log ride. So that was cool.”