So I Didn’t Get that Mayor Job

Rod Beavers for Mayor
Rod Beavers

Yup, I didn’t get either the Dallas or Fort Worth mayor jobs.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from this experience, it’s that you gotta play ball with the corporate big wigs in politics. The little guy doesn’t stand a chance without giving the corporate nips a tug. Well, let me tell you something, Rod does not play ball. Literally, as mentioned, I won’t play kickball or any shit like that. But, also, compromising my principals is out.

Here’s a conversation that I imagine I would have with some fat cat business-dude.

Big wig: “Rod, we want to grind up some assorted pills we are testing and put them into school cafeteria food to see if any kids grow a tail or whatever. Mind looking the other way?”

Rod: “Absolutely not. Wait, how much will you pay me?”

Big Wig: “Eight thousand dollars.”

Rod: “Absolutely not.”

Things haven’t been all bad though. The unemployment checks keep rolling in, I just got “The Trees” by Rush on vinyl, and I’ve got a lot more free time again; campaigning is a full-time job. I spent a lot of time doing favors to get my friends to vote for me. I powerwashed my buddy Gary’s patio. I bought beer for a group of high school kids, even the ones too young to vote (I figure goodwill for later.)

Anyway, I’ve also got a ton of leftover t-shirts which would be awesome if you bought one.

Oh yeah, apparently I was never on the ballot, I guess you have to file some papers.