Trump Pledges to Put a Casino on the Moon by the End of the Decade

NEW YORK – Evoking memories of the historic John F. Kennedy speech of 1961, leading Republican Presidential candidate Donald Trump made an ambitious promise of his own. Calling on America to become “great again,” Trump vowed to build the first casino on the moon.

“When I am elected President, we will build the most luxurious, unbelievable casino, and we’re going to put it on the surface of the moon,” said Trump. “Or Mars, whichever’s closer. It doesn’t matter, it’s going to be a huge success.”

When asked about how he would pay for the proposed space casino, Trump assured the public that the casino would pay for itself.

“It will be the most popular attraction on the entire moon,” he proclaimed. “You can’t imagine how much wealth it’s going to bring this country; people are always looking for a reason to go to the moon.”

“The Russians won’t do it; the Chinese can’t even consider it. They don’t know the first thing about world-class entertainment,” said Trump. “It’s gonna have unbelievable rooms, tons of hot bands, oxygen, things like that, all on the moon. I am gonna make that happen.”