ARLINGTON, TX – More than a year after the news emerged that he had used cocaine during the baseball season came another revelation from Texas Rangers’ manager Ron Washington.
Washington admitted to being high on baseball fever for the last several months, which has been slowly building from the time the Rangers reached the World Series last season. Only recently did he inform the team.
“I went into Nolan Ryan’s office and told him, man to man, I’ve got a problem. I’m high on baseball fever,” said Washington.
According to players, the symptoms of baseball fever are varied. Players afflicted are known to develop a wild look in their eyes, eat ballpark nachos exclusively, spend extra hours at batting practice, and suffer from “pretty intense diarrhea.” The diarrhea though may be a byproduct of the nacho diet.
The Rangers intend to send Washington for treatment and hope to have him cured shortly. The prescribed therapy for Washington is to cut down on spicy foods and watch dozens of tapes of 1980’s Rangers baseball games.
In addition to cocaine usage and baseball fever, Washington also admitted that at different points of time in his past he has been high on basketball fever, bowling fever, disco fever, allergy medication, and butane.