// news storyWednesday, April 23rd, 2014

Regional News

Rangers Once Again Fail To Win World Series

ARLINGTON, TX – The Texas Rangers baseball team continued once again to fail in achieving their goals. Despite aiming to win the World Series as they have every year, the Rangers failed for the 39th consecutive season.

For months on end, the Rangers club employed dozens of professional baseball players, coaches, trainers and other staff intended to finally win a World Series title.  And yet, all of the time, money, and effort again all amounted to nothing.

Texas Ranger's Michael Young

Michael Young somehow manages to get out of bed and drag himself into work

“Think of all the fireworks we wasted this year.  What was the point?”  said stadium usher Mary Card, who spent night after night assisting fans to their seats and watching the team’s ultimately fruitless effort.  Despite the overwhelming evidence that this season would be another failure, numerous fans in fact attended the games during the season to witness the Rangers fall short as usual.

The players themselves found solace from the presence of fans at the games. “It’s really kind of them to continue to encourage us. If we were running an airline and our first 39 flights ended in crash landings, well I don’t think we’d have a lot of passengers,” said second baseman Ian Kinsler.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do with this bunch of losers,” Rangers team manager Ron Washington lamented after the season ended. “I mean how many times can we realistically keep trying the same thing over and over. Eventually it’s time to just say we gave it a go for 40 years but it wasn’t meant to be. I think maybe it’s time.”

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