You Should Be Happy With Whatever It Was I Gave You

Bitter Tom
Bitter Tom

Is this the thanks I get?  I go out of my way, getting you a gift from a store, and now you act like I didn’t do anything.

I’m not romantic, am I?  So Jack’s wife got flowers and a dinner out, so what?  You didn’t you get enough for your birthday?  If it’s such a bad gift, maybe I should just take back whatever it was.

I remember it very specifically.  It was $39 before taxes, and I had to walk all over that store.  I had it for you the very day of your birthday, not a day late.  I didn’t even finish my round of golf that day.  Sure, it was raining, but just a drizzle.

So it wasn’t wrapped, now I gotta get you a gift, and wrap it? It didn’t buy itself, did it?  It was a jacket.  You told me that you wanted a jacket from that store, and that’s what I got.  No, wait, that was another year.

But that’s another point, I buy you something ever year.  You have a birthday every single year, and I’m out at least $40-$50 or so for you.  I ran out of ideas years ago.

It was one of those computer picture frames, the iPod one.  And it was way more than $39, it was ridiculous.  And I don’t even know what the point was when you don’t even look at all the slides we have.  Oh right, that’s what you got for me.

My tee time is coming up, so I gotta get going. I’m going to try out the new putter I got you – that’s what it was, the putter.

Movie Reminds People Sitting In Front of Large Screen How Much Time They Waste Sitting in Front of Small Screens

PLANO, TX – The highly acclaimed new movie “The Social Network” is causing the social media users it portrays to reconsider their online activities.  The movie, which tells the story of the founding of Facebook, is being widely viewed by millions of Facebook’s own users.

The Social Network

Reviews of the movie from the audience were largely positive, with many relating the story to their own lives.  “I was sitting and watching the movie, and I couldn’t help think about how much time I spend sitting and clicking, or typing” said one Plano teen.

“This was much more relaxing, just sitting and watching is easier for sure.  It also frees up my hands for eating.”

Their were many different views from the audience of how social media usage was affecting their lives.

“I liked watching stuff on a big screen.  I done with wasting time on a small screen.” said another teen upon viewing the movie.  “Think how cool my Facebook profile pic would look on a screen that big.  You could probably see my mustache growing in.”

Councilman Joel Burns’ Follow-Up to Anti-Bullying Speech Fails to Go Viral

FORT WORTH, TX – City councilman Joel Burns’ hugely viral speech on teen bullying of gay students was followed up with one that was simply ignored by the national media. He chose to respond to his success from the previous meeting with a procedural request in the following city council meeting to delay a change in zoning laws.

Joel Burns

The emotional speech on the difficulties realities of many gay teens was picked up by dozens of national news media outlets, and was shared widely on the internet.  Television shows from CNN, the Today Show, Ellen DeGeneres and others interviewed Burns in coverage of the story.  None have called to discuss the zoning motion.

“I posted it on YouTube just like the other one, and zip.  So far it has about a million less views,”  said Burns, who is mystified by the lack of national attention.  “I’m gonna give it another week.”

Burns is unsure of the topic he will address in the next city council meeting, but feels he has a “hot one” about bicycle safety.

Oklahoma High School Transfer Declared Ineligible for High School Spanish Club

SOUTHLAKE, TX – Transfer student Rich Garcia has been ruled ineligble for Spanish Club, according to the Texas governing board for extracurricular activities. Garcia transferred from an Oklahoma high school to a North Texas high school and intended to join the Spanish Club, one of the top clubs in the state.

Rich dons a sombrero
Garcia displays his support for the Spanish language

After learning that the transfer was done for the purpose of joining the Spanish Club, known as “Los Burritos Supremos,” the board not to allow Garcia to attend any of the six planned after school meetings, or to submit a dish for the school’s foreign language cook-off.

For Los Burritos Supremos, the decision is a heartbreaking one.  With the loss of graduate Deb Moore and her winning beef nacho recipe, the group was in desperate need for some new talent.   Garcia is rumored to have made an excellent hot sauce at his previous school.

Garcia is now mulling other options, including chess club and working after school for his uncle.