Lake Worth Monster Throws Epic Anniversary Boat Bash

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LAKE WORTH – The mysterious Lake Worth “Goatman” monster came out of hiding to throw an epic party on the lake. The monster was celebrating his 45th anniversary of being exposed in the Fort Worth and Dallas newspapers after scaring several locals.

“I tried to book the Gaylord but just didn’t find anything free that weekend,” said the monster. “Now I look like a fool for getting my name in the paper right in the middle of vacation season 45 years ago. ”

No expenses were spared for the event. Goatman rented jet skis, boats, and pontoons to accommodate all of the cryptozoology fans who came out for the party. The festivities were catered by Joe T. Garcias, and margaritas and beer were freely flowing for all attendees.

“That place is cash only, so I was scrounging around the lake for every dollar I could get. I came up a bit short, but the guy was cool once I let him take a few selfies with me,” admitted Goatman. “I know that dudes’ Instagram was blowin’ up.”

Party-goers were treated to live music, dancing, celebrities such as Big Foot and Chupacabra, and even a “feats of strength” tire-throwing competition, won handily by Goatman. “You know I never threw a tire 500 feet, that was actually my ex-girlfriend, Goatwoman. I can do 300 feet at most. I didn’t even invite her to this cause I wanted to win the competition and look like a badass.”

The after-after party was kept low key, with a few cigars smoked and some of Goatman’s finest wines. Afterwards, the monster promptly disemboweled all the remaining guests and ate them.

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