DALLAS – Metroplex Open Carry firearms activists have ended the rampant lawlessness facing a local Chipotle. Brandishing assault rifles as they waited in line to order their organic chicken burrito bowls, the group returned the fast food restaurant to a place of law and order.
Cashier Molly Evans described the scene. “This particular location is known to have been slipping towards complete anarchy. It was like Mad Max in there. There was an actual Thunderdome under construction,” she said while unhooking a griddle which had served as her armor.
Most customers were glad to know the questionable characters plaguing the restaurant had obviously been driven out. “I’m grateful to know that now anytime I’m trying to decide between various shredded meats some random dudes with no military or law enforcement affiliations holding AK-47s just might be standing in line behind me,” announced customer Matt Perez.
Barry Chipotle, founder of Chipotle, expressed similar sentiment about the gun toting activists.
“We have a list of Chipotles that have crossed over into irrevocable anarchy, which we cut ties with and write-off as losses. That Dallas location was getting really close to the ‘Chipotles Lost to Anarchy ‘ list, and I’m really glad to put it back into the ‘Law-Abiding Chipotles’ list. At the time, it was on another list I have, ‘In-Limbo Chipotles.’
“I also have a list of haunted Chipotles, which is a whole other issue,” complained Mr. Chipotle.