FORT WORTH, TX – Local resident Grady O’Shack announced disappointing first quarter earnings results earlier today. After a solid holiday season, Mr. O’Shack, who deals an assortment of electronics out of his garage, saw revenue unexpectedly drop 20%.
Many local analysts were disappointed to learn of the downturn, wondering what the impact on the North Texas economy would be.
“A lot of people depend on Grady O’Shack’s profitability,” said one neighbor. “His wife, his kids…his lawn service…whoever he buys his weird Scottish shit from.”
It’s not known how Mr. O’Shack will cope with the downturn, though he has survived them many times over the years.
“It’s going to be a rough patch,” said Mr. O’Shack. “The wife and I will probably stop going out for dinner so much. And our vacation plans are definitely in jeopardy.”
Others wonder how Mr. O’Shack even stays in business, with his seemingly random assortment of electronics he tinkers with and sells from home.
“Maybe I’m being paranoid, but I feel like people are always talking behind my back,” said Mr. O’Shack. “I hear things like ‘Grady O’Shack sells crap,’ or ‘Grady O’Shack sucks.’ So I tell them, ‘You don’t even know me! You’ve never even been in my garage, so don’t tell me I suck, lad.”